Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
