I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
