It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
