She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Randomize
