well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
