I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
