do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
