Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
