just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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