Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
