well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
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last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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