I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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