it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
