How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
