Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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