I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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