You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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