do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Randomize
