Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
false alarm, still single
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
