I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
