my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
In other news, I just burned my penis
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
