Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
