I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
