i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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