the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize