What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
