After last night, I could never be a politician.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
