Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
