Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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