Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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