So drunk its hurt
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
