I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
