You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
