Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
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