1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
