hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
