We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
