party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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