I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
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Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
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I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.