why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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