apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.