Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine