you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
