Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Randomize
