its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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