mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I think I died a long time ago.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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