I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
