I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize
