You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
