still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
