Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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