i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
