I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
