i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
