I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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