I wannas sexs uuuuu
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
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