I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
