That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
