Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
