he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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