ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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