I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
