Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
