Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
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The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
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I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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