Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
