dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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