i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
where are my pants?
in the oven.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
