My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
