I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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